Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
