I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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