Yo dont text me then not text me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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