plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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