Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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