are you still at the devil's house?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
