Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
