We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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