Do you still have your period?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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