this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just puked most of my soul out..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
