She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
