My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
