dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
