I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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