The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
