y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
