I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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