So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
