I am puke
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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