My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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