The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
