Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
