FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
