God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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