I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
