that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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