Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
