I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I supernannyed him into submission
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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