nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
