She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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