Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
