just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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