you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
