All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
