i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
