Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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