I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
