I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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