evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize