He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
