well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
