my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
