Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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