if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
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