i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
