Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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