man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
4 words: hood of his car
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i drank out of a bidet.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
