So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
