I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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