Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
