Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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