shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
