Hey man sorry I got all grabby
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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