Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
